Dear David,

My dad recently passed away and our family is settling the estate. We are struggling to agree on key decisions, such as whether to hire professionals or save money by doing some of the work ourselves. The will names my three siblings as executors and one has passed away, so there’s no tie-breaking vote when the remaining siblings disagree. How do we handle disagreements when no majority vote is possible? – FRUSTRATED

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Settling a parental estate can be harder than people expect. It’s not just about paperwork, money, or property. It’s a highly emotional process, and decisions can feel overwhelming when the reality of grief sets in. Wills and estate plans are not “set it and forget it” documents. Circumstances change, and it’s important to name backup executors. If an executor is unable to fulfill their duties for whatever reason, there should be a clear next person to take on the role so you’re not trying to problem solve at the worst possible time.

When choosing an executor, it’s not about fairness; it’s about personality, judgment, communication skills, and the ability to make decisions under pressure. Naming multiple siblings as executors may feel fair, but if they have different temperaments or priorities, it’s easy to create gridlock in a family. Sometimes having one capable executor (with a carefully chosen backup) works better than having several people who can’t agree.

At this point, I suggest slowing down and separating emotional decisions from practical ones. Gather the will, death certificate, banking information, property details, insurance documents, tax records, bills, and other paperwork. Involve a neutral professional, such as an estate lawyer, accountant, or realtor. This step is not an unnecessary expense, but a way to avoid costly mistakes, reduce conflict, and help everyone make decisions based on facts rather than emotion.

The family home is often where disagreements become most volatile. Generally speaking, an estate property does not need to be a renovation project unless there’s an obvious and compelling reason. There is a big difference between preparing a home for sale, versus trying to squeeze out every last dollar through repairs, painting, flooring, and contractor management.

Many families underestimate how quickly renovations can become expensive and divisive. The two remaining executors should write down and agree on what work should be done, what tasks need to be hired out, the budget, and who will communicate with the rest of the family.

PRO TIP: Executors do not need to be family members. Loved ones are not necessarily the best project managers, especially while they are grieving. Expert guidance can help you decide whether the property should be sold as-is, professionally staged, or improved (if it clearly benefits the estate, according to professionals). Estate planning is not just about dividing assets, it’s about making the process easier for those left behind, and avoiding unnecessary conflict in a difficult time. #Advice #AskDavid #TheNegotiator